It’s contagious..
May 19, 2013
I have decided to start writing to you all. I can’t keep this bottled in anymore. My life is a roller coaster of emotions. I have a constant battle with depression, self harm, and insecurities. I have many people in my life..many friends. But they do not know the real me. The dark side of me..where all of the demons eat me alive. There is one person though. He knows everything. He is my best friend. I love him. He loves me. But he is my biggest trigger sometimes. I have a good life. My parents love me. But they make me feel worthless and never good enough. I play basketball and volleyball. I run track…a state qualifier. But it is never good enough for them or for myself. They do not know about this boy. They do not approve of him. They do not know him. They do not want to get to know him. They think that no one is good enough for me. I have many friends that are guys. This is because all of my friends that are girls, that I have known for a little time, even my whole life, have stabbed me in the back. Being a teenager is nothing like I thought it was. It is full of disappointment and betrayal. I have dreams. Many dreams actually. I dream of being happy. Of being with him. Of playing basketball in college. But I often think about how easy it would be for all of those things to not be options anymore. Yes, suicide. I would never actually kill myself. I do know that I have things going for me in this life. But its just a thought. I have never let any of this out before. But now I have. To the world. This is just the beginning of my story. The story of a teenage girl..
